Fire Life

Today currently marks 20 days with my husband being gone. I normally don't tell a lot of people that he's gone because you never really know who or what is out there. But it't my life, and the life that many wives have all over the country. Their husbands leave for an extended period of time to work and sometimes we don't know when they are coming home. I know it's the life we signed up for, as military wives sign up for with deployments, but it's never easy. When my husband got his first seasonal job he was gone for a maximum time of two weeks, and when our daughters were younger, they didn't really understand it all. But we made it through several two week time periods over the time of fire season. The next fire season, to my memory (that is not currently working well) we had a couple times where my husband was gone but I don't think it was for 2 weeks at a time. This season is the longest that we have had, 21 days tomorrow. Seeing it typed out is weird to me. 3 weeks.

I have seen and heard of firefighters being gone for longer times and it makes me sad. It makes me sad for the wives, children, and fire fighters. This 3 weeks hasn't been a walk in the park. My girls are understanding that daddy helps people while he's away and that they would want help if our city was in trouble. Sometimes I feel like fire kids grow up a little faster than other kids. I thank every single person who has contributed to technology to this day and allowed the small recharges that we got with a simple 5-10 minute FaceTime call. Yes phone calls are good, but seeing how excited the girls were to see daddy and his mustache (stachetober has started) brought tears to my eyes. Seeing how my husband was so excited to see the girls, was the best thing too. I love that FaceTime is an option in my children's life. I remember talking to my dad on the phone as a kid when he had business trips, but this is something totally different.

I get asked by my friends "how do you do it? how do you go that long with your husband gone?" My first answer is, I have no choice. I use that answer for "how did you manage twin newborns?!" A fire wife has no option to not do it. This is what helps us in the off season, this helps us continue our life, this is what my husband does for a living. This fire season I had the privileged to be a member of a fire wives group. They know what it's like. They help in more ways than I can list right now. If a fire family needs anything, these women make it happen. They support each other with fire life issues, personal issues, emotional issues, to obsession with football issues. Having these women to vent or laugh to is what helped me more than anything, because they understand it, they live it too. They make me realize, I am not alone. I have met several of them in the past few months and it has been amazing.

Now to the truth, I may come off strong but I am far from it. I keep my head together for my kids sake. They don't need to see me sad that I miss my husband, because it's too much of a burden for my 4.5 year old twins to deal with. When other things like school, bills, sickness, housing, and having my husband gone all pile up and up and up I am normally really good and keeping it together. Today I hit my breaking point. We had all intentions of renewing our lease on our house and we come to find out that the landlords want to move back in. This was our first HOME. This house was where we finally could relax and enjoyed being in. So that huge shock finally got to me and I broke down. I've had anxiety attacks that were small and after a little bit I was okay. Today I had the worst panic attack. I wish I could tell you how I felt, but it was such an out of body experience. I broke down. I called my mom crying saying I needed her to come over. I have never done this in my life. She came over with some lunch for everyone and having someone with me just was reassuring and helped me calm down. I learned today that it's okay to ask for help. I learned that sometimes I can't do it all on my own. It's okay to be a little scared of what's next.

I love the support system I have. I get all kinds of support and sometimes I don't even think they realize that what they did made a positive impact on my day. I have the best friends who know to check in on me when my husband is gone. I see them sharing "thank you firefighers" pictures, liking the updates on facebook of the fire my husband is at, and it gives me the warm fuzzies over how much they support what my husband and his co-workers do.

I never pictured my life like this- but I would not change it for anything. I love the people that I have met, my children have friends who understand it all, and most of all it's nice to know that if I ever need help- it is there for me.

Where do I stand??

So I have two outcomes of this... I am either super behind in life or I am super early in life. I played my first bunco game, and I liked it. I grew up hearing of my friends moms playing bunco and I had no idea what it was, but I knew that it was for moms and they all looked forward to it.

This wasn't a normal bunco game, this was also a Thirty One Party. WHAT!?! Yes, play bunco and use your winnings to buy Thirty One products. I have been curious of Thirty One products, but I am someone who likes to see and try something before I buy it. I was curious about bunco and Thirty One, and to top it off since my husband has been gone for the better half of the month, I RSVPed yes. I will attend these types of parties when I have some free time, or if it's something I'm interested in. But the twist made it enjoyable, it wasn't just telling what something is and how it works. I like when people make it fun!!! This reminds me of another time when my friends and I had a bbq and after some drinks we had an impromptu Passion Party, and that was my first party where I didn't feel pressured or uncomfortable with one of these at home parties. I like when these types of things are relaxed and the products speak for themselves.

Bunco was super easy to learn, and even easier to play. I'll admit I googled it and I was like "what am I getting myself into?" But googling can't always been your friend (cough WebMD cough) so I'm glad I didn't really remember what I read. Bunco was a lot of fun and I totally see why my friends moms played a lot and it's all they ever looked forward to. Bunco was quick and slow all at once. When rounds were short I wanted it to go longer and the longer rounds, the rounds I was losing at, wouldn't end. I really would like to play more, and become that mom who likes to play bunco.

I feel like at 28 I am either too young to like playing bunco, or I totally missed the memo on how fun this game is and it's not just for older moms.

Do you like to play bunco? and if you live near me... please invite me! lol

Best Part of Twins

I'm currently sitting on my couch listening to my girls talk. They watch a lot of cooking shows with my husband and I, so they are talking about their dinner. What's for dinner you ask?? Blue box mac & cheese with some bacon. Yet I'm hearing them talk about the different spices they want to add in, how they made it, the countdown to the "hands in the air" and the judging of their food. This is the best part of twins, when they are in their own world playing and getting along.

These moments are my absolute favorite, when they get along. These two have been by each others sides their entire life (and yes by mine too all except 2 or 3 days). I only knew a handful of twins growing up, and you hear of twin bonds, yet I never KNEW what it was like to have twins and deal with their bond. These two, most of the time, get along so well. They can play all day together and not come to me unless they need food, aren't all parents just there to feed kids some days? Then sometimes I hear the giggles between the two of them and I ask why they are laughing and they can't explain it. Or they try to and their twin language comes out. Yes that is something that exists. Don't attempt to translate it because I can't. Lol!! My twins do not have twin senses. I try and ask them all the time when my husband and one girl go off looking at one end of the store and the other goes with me, if they can use their twin senses to find each other in the store. It never works, maybe one day it will, or maybe it's because they are fraternal twins. I don't know. I've read that twins can feel what the other one is feeling, but that is far from the truth with my girls. Maybe its only an identical twin thing.

No matter how old my girls get, when they both cuddle up with my husband or myself. It instantly brings me back to when they were infants and we were doing everything to get them to fall asleep. The days I have both of them cuddling with me at night, I let them fall asleep on me and they might be sleeping on me for awhile before I move them to their beds. Flip side, I feel weird only having one of them cuddling with me, but at the same time, I love the one on one time that I get. It is something that doesn't happen frequently but I soak it in.

I wish I could explain what it's like to be a twin parent... it's probably the same thing that parents of singletons (yes, those of you who have one baby at a time, you have a "name") can't explain what it's like to someone with multiples. I think any parent can call it a small victory when your kids are getting along and that's what out weighs the fighting, for me at least. It's what I remember the most, it's what I consider the best part of twins.

9/11

14 years ago, I cannot believe that half of my life ago, our country changed. I remember that day like it was yesterday. This was the first country changing event that occurred in my life that I remember happening.

What I love about this country is our support that was created after this sad day. Many people put flags up, many continued tradition to honor the 2,977 people who were killed, and many supported those who were first responders that day and the following days as our country changed. Every year my Facebook newsfeed is covered in Never Forget, iconic pictures, and personal stories. I love seeing those. I feel like every year once a year we seem to forget many differences and come together in remembrance.

The support that I see for the first responders restores my faith in humanity. People who had little knowledge of what fire fighters actually did finally saw that they go put their lives in danger, hike up those flights of stairs, as many people are running down to try and save what they can. Who knows if the firefighters who were running into the Trade Center Buildings knew their fate, but that was their jobs and that's what they did. People saw the firefighters, police, emts, military, city workers, and voluenteeers come together and work as one unit. That's what helped start the healing process for the country while they searched and cleaned what had happened in downtown Manhattan.

Many cities have the 9/11 stair climbs. Now I have climbed stairs at the gym, that's in workout clothing and it's hard. I personally cannot imagine what it is like to go 110 flights of stairs let alone with turnouts, BAs, carrying hose, and possibly medical supplies. I have tried on turnouts and I have held all the gear and I don't think I can do that up A flight of stairs, yet every year people will do these stair climb events in what the FDNY wore 14 years ago. I have always heard that it takes a special kind of person to be a firefighter and 9/11 and these types of events shows the dedication that firefighters have with the drive they have also.

I hope that future generations will keep doing what we are doing now on this day. I want them to know the events of this day, I want them to know what an impact it made on our country, but I want them to honor the people who died that day. As I was typing this out there was a commercial that said over 13,000 babies were born on 9/11/2001 and they wanted everyone to do one good deed on 9/11 and that those good deeds can make an impact. I think that's a great thing to do each year.

-all pictures I googled images and they are not mine- 

Back to School.. for me?!

So for the past 2 weeks I have been back to school. It's rather weird being in school, but now that I know what I want to be since I grew up, I enjoy it. I am a new student to this school, so I had a later registration date and was wait-listed for the classes I need to take so I'm taking a class that will be applied to my AA. I have taken online classes before and its something that works for me and my family since I have a better time paying attention at home than in a classroom when its something I have knowledge about.

I am taking an online political science class. I have weekly discussion boards, where I watch a video and type a response up. I then have to comment on at least 3 other students posts. The topics are pretty controversial and I like when people try to talk their perspective about the topics.And of course when people agree with my thoughts. It all comes down to personal thoughts on these topics. I also have 3 chapters a month, where I read, take some little understanding what I'm reading quizzes and then take a chapter test. Then there is a unit test which is a cumulative test of the chapters. We also have a current event log we have to do each week, which is proving to me being the biggest headache of my life since the last time I did current events was 1997-2000 in middle school.

While I enjoy the drive to continue my education I hope it makes my kids see that I'm doing this for them. I wish I had this drive the first time around in college when I was out of high school. My husband has been taking classes too and I love that my kids know when to be quiet and helpful for us to get our stuff done. More so for him and not so much for me but I'm adapting my bribery skills to keep them quiet for me.

I also have a grievance with being back in school, probably the fact it's an online class is explaining things to students.  When a person reads anything most of the time its open for personal interpretation. How I read something is not how someone else in my class reads it and its not how the instructor wrote it. My teacher said he would allow us to have something looked and he would give us feedback to make sure we were doing it right. Well being the type A person I have become when its school work- I asked just to make sure I was doing it correctly and the response I got made me cringe. I have several friends who are teachers and I don't ever think I would see them talk to a student that way. Teachers are supposed to help those who want help. Maybe I just have a bitter teacher and I'll figure it out on my own (and try to get as much extra credit as possible).

Anyways... ending this on a positive note. I am super excited being back in school. My kids have been doing their "get ready for kindergarten books" but little do they know that they might be starting pre-k soon!!! I cannot wait to surprise them with that!

Public Tantrum

Well. Hum...

Crap no way to say this but to say it. 

My child was that child throwing a tantrum in public. My friend and I went out for dinner, and since apparently there was a kitchen fire at our local bdubs we opted for The Habit. And it looked like the rest of the town was there. All the tables were completely filled except a couple two seater tables outside. We let the older kids sit at one and we sat at the other. Our food didn't let us down- as The Habit never does & I tried sweet potato fries!! They are pretty good, especially dipped in BBQ sauce. We were letting the kids finish up their food & that's when it started. 

The Habit has some yummy looking soft serve & the kids were asking for it- and to be honest I was contemplating it. But they didn't want to take no for an answer. I kept reminding my kids that they needed to sit down. Well the stubborn child didn't want to sit in her chair & I told her since she was acting like a baby to sit in the high chair. Don't be sarcastic with a 4.5 year old, they will climb into the high chair. Then the ice cream question came back- and after saying no I get the talk back. Calmly I told her that we were going to go home if she didn't stop. Well slowly it kept going and going. And I had had it with the sass, so I told the girls it was time to go home. 

And it came without warning, like an earthquake, full on screaming and ridged body. I got her out of the high chair whole having "nooooo. I'm not going hoooone" and it wouldn't stop. I'm pretty positive my face was the color of my red shirt. I kept saying "I'm sorry" to my friend and her kids. Grabbed my purse & looked up to see how bad it was. Sure enough everyone outside looking at us & about half of the people inside looking at us. I literally couldn't think. I apologized profusely with a 38 pound wiggly weight in my arms. And then I finally had a thought "wow, going to the gym has helped. And holy moly I'm soooo sore!!! It was not a good idea to go that big yesterday. Fight the pain!! Fight.the.pain!!"

The screaming went all the way to the car. It continued as I buckled her in. It was as if she found out about Santa, the Easter bunny, and tooth fairy weren't real. That Disneyland closed forever. That every princess had died. I can't ever recall ever experiencing a tantrum like this in my whole 4.5 years as a mom 

I text my friend an apology text. And she applauded me for keeping my cool. I'm still trying to figure out how I didn't yell. And weirdly I haven't yelled. When we got home I made her change into pjs, and I took all her books away. In addition to her books, all of her toys were put away and I took out the princess rugs in the girls room. She currently should be sleeping, about once or twice a month she needs to go to bed early so I know it won't mean she wakes up early.

I learned tonight that I do have some "woosah" in me. I apparently learned that kids at 4.5 can have public meltdowns. I also learned to be sympathetic to other parents who have dealt with this before and will have to. I wish I could apologize to every person that witnessed this ordeal. If you were there tonight, I am sorry you had to hear that while you were eating dinner. 

But geez that was horrible and I hope it never happens again. And I am in need of a drink or two.

Kids & Veggie (green beans)

A few weeks ago I asked my friends "what would you want your kids to eat more of?" A lot of people said veggies. So since I have a non green bean lover... I made this. 

I don't know what to even call it. It's a spin on an Asian dish. I found rice noodles on sale for $3 (when they are almost always double/triple the cost. I had some ground turkey that I wanted to use and since I try to always have some kind of veggie I grabbed a can of green beans. I cooked the turkey and tossed in the green beans. I used my spatual and cut the green beans down in size.

I took a child's nutrition class when my girls were starting to eat food. One week our lesson was, that having food in bite size pieces already was a step in the right way to get kids to try new food. Also I learned that making familiar food was a good aid in helping kids eat new/food they don't like. So this is what also inspired this dinner, where we have some kind of Asian take out inspired meal a week. 

Once the super easy rice noodles are done cooking, they take about 5 minutes today to cook, toss them in the pan with the turkey and the green beans. Don't shake off the water too much, it helps with the sauce. 

Last is the sauce. When I cook with this sauce, I don't measure anything. I know it's not helpful for you, but I'll guess off of what I think my husband does his sauce as. (And yes they are different sauces and maybe one day I'll share his). It does consist of soy sauce (1/4 cup), some hosin sauce (table spoon) chili garlic sauce (heat level to your liking), and a teaspoon of brown sugar (this I know cause I grab a spoon for this). Mix it all together in a separate bowl and then put it in the pan with everything else. Combine everything together and serve. 

My non-green beaneater inhaled the dish, and the other one had no complaints. They even asked for seconds. I feel like this is an easy meal to make, even when it's over 100 outside & I'm wanting to use my on sale noodles and craving take out.

Ingredients: 

1/2 pack of rice noodles 

Ground turkey (I had half a large thing of it)

1 can green beans 

 1/4 cup soy sauce 

1 tablespoon hoisin sauce 

Chili garlic sauce (to your spice level liking)

1 teaspoon of brown sugar 

Cook ground turkey, add green beans and cut up to bite size pieces. Cook noodles in seperate pot. Once noodles are done, add to the pan with the turkey. Mix soy sauce, hoisin sauce, chili garlic sauce, and brown sugar in bowl. Once combined add to the pan with turkey, green beans and noodle. Mix all together and enjoy. 

*If you want to take it up a notch, add some Thai basil and lime juice Or some cilantro and lime juice after you plated your food*